Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
