I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Screwed.edu
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
