Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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