guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store