the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
