im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
