Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
