Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
