I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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