it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
