It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
