I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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