Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
