No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
