dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
