I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
