I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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