His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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