need another drink. this is the easiest way
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
