Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
