my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
