Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
