The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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