Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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