i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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