Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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