I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Houston, we have a blender
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
