but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Non-Jews are for practice
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
