What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
