Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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