When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
