I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
