I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
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