I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
