I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize