i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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