Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
