I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
