dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A+ Viking dick
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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