you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
