new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
