I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
