I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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