Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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