I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
