your room smells of hookers.
And success
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
