I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
