My friends, they love my intelligence
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
where are my eyebrows?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
