she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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