I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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