No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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