You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
