Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
