How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
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So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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