If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
