im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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