Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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