You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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