WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my being single is dangerous.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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