Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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