i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
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Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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