I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
