New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
meet me or not, i'm out of control
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
