I faked an abortion last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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