He uses pillows to masturbate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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