Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
