I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
