no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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