I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I touched a dick in church today
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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