You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
