Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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