ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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