Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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